Dear Prof Golubitsky,
[President of the Society of Industrial and Applied Mathematics in USA]
Yesterday I finally got an interview in the embassy in London. However the typo
in my poster title ("Turing pattens" which unfortunately I didn't notice when
you sent to me the electronic version of the letter :- ( ) was taken
unexpectedly seriously by the staff and apparently casted doubt on the
credibility of all my documents. "It raised the question am I a student at all."
Followed an avalanche of questions like: who is this Turing? what is the precise
nature of my work? who is paying my scholarship in the UK? and the question that
demolished my last defenses:
"But what is The Final Goal of your study?"
I am afraid here I couldn't articulate an intelligible answer! Not in English
and without some 15 minutes of prior consideration! Caught in surprise, I was
able to produce only "woooa aaaa" or similar.
I didn`t even understand whether she meant to hear? Maybe what are all these
neuroscientists out there aiming to,
The Grand Programme of Neuroscience or sumfin?
(like World Domination, for example! Imagine how would her shoot up, if she was
the first to uncover this grand plot!),
or maybe she was asking about the goals of my PhD project, in personal terms?
or its scientific significance? or why have devoted myself to Mathematics,
and what is my life's philosophy?
Oh yes, I made the error to mention "Neuroscience". She couldn't find it in
her otherwise extensive catalogue of forbidden and unforbidden sciences (thick as a phone-book!).
She kept asking me isn't it in the field of "biotechnology, maybe chemical
biotechnology?" No, I insisted, it`s to do with the brain, no, it`s not neurology - it is really
theoretical, proper mathematics in fact! At the end we settled onto "Modelling
and simulation of processes". But my sense of relief was too premature!
The instructors at CIA academy have trained her well, upon hearing
"modelling" and "simulation" her mind immediately landed on familiar territory:
"A-ha! Is it related to development of nuclear technology, then?"
I am proud, however, that I resisted the temptation
to say that making nucular weapons has been the dream of my life ever since I was a little boy! :- )
To summ up: the woman decided I am part of a terrorist organization based in
Houston that faked the whole conference maskerade in order to smuggle me in, probably along
with some biotech developed at the University of Nottingham! The embassy will
have to investigate the matter carofully before deciding on a visa. It would take 30 days
at most but they will try to be expedite. 8_(
I got a blue comma in my passport.
So, please, be prepared for interrogations by the authorities about underground
activities at the University of Houston. :- )
PS: I think it was $100 well spent, pity I couldn`t record the show!
The poanta I got - whenever it is not for obtaining funding - stick to pure mathematics! Everyone thinks it is useless therefore harmless!
US embassy in London,